you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
