what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
