Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
