all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
