quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
