she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
