We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
