you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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