My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
