Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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