You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
