I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
