ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its not stalking. its research.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
