i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
