I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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