Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
