Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
