After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
