Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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