I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
