I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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