I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
3 2 1 whiskey
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
