I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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