Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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