hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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