I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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