he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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