I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
