You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
