So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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