So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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