Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
