Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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