I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize