she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
