remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize