If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
