I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
