Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
