Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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