Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize