I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
