why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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