She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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