Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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