Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
