She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
