Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
