Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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