u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
