This is not my ceiling
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Two words: nipple clamps
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