Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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