So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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