It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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