the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
