I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
