she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
