I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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