I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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