Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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