Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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