I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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