In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
