Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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