i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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