My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have feelings that need drinking.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
