Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
