Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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