Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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