other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think my moral compass just broke
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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